5 de jul de 2006

Laid off...What now?

Feeling scared, alone, without a direction, not knowing what tomorrow will bring...
I know we actually never really know what tomorrow will really be like. But nowadays, you can always wake up knowing how the weather is going to be, you know your responsibilities, if you will work, do homework, hang out with friends or only be a couch potato for the day.
What I feel right now is so out of every-other-person-I-know reality. No job. Not really knowing what to do next. I didn't get any answers about my visa exchange request. Will I have to go back to Brazil in case they deny it? I also don't know if I'll find a job that will give me enough time to study and enough money to pay for it.
I want so many things to be different of the way they are. A nice place to live; a job that's reliable, in which I can feel useful and improve skills, use creativity, communicate with people, and feel worthy, that will pay good, give me enough time for church, school and myself; study with people who want to get somewhere, who want to make a difference...utopias?
I like being independent. But it's scared when things don't go the way you planned or thought they would be like. I can't get sick because I have to work to pay my bills, there is no Mom and Dad to take care of me. I can't give up. I can't just take some time off, for the sake of having some time off. I can't just do what I want to do.

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